Bulimia nervosa has been classified as an eating disorder only since the late 1980’s. Bulimia comes from a Greek word and means ravenous hunger but that certainly does not describe how I feel.
My name is Kim and I can’t stop binge eating and purging. I binge/purge most days and sometimes when I get really down I do it several times in a day. That seems to be the worst time, when I get down. Something just seems to come into my head, it’s usually about my ex and then I will ask myself why he left me. What is it that is wrong with me? I’m only a few pounds overweight…I’m not fat…am I ugly then?
When I think about it I realise that I started the binging after he left me.
So I am feeling down or stressed and the urge to binge comes over me and I try to fight it because I know that I am going to be disgusted with myself afterwards - disgusted and ashamed. I just hate myself afterwards. But I can’t stop it now. Now all that I can think about is eating. I must have food.
I am alone when I binge/purge, always alone. I could never let anyone know about what I do, let alone see me doing it. So the door is locked and my phone is switched off. I don’t want to be disturbed or interrupted.
When I binge one thing is always the same - it is always junk food. I can’t stop eating junk food....
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posted by Zuma2